Recovering

Hi all! Sorry took so long to post again after surgery. I could've sworn I did already, abut apparently not! HAHA!

I was in the hospital for 3 days with a drainage tube because my gallbladder was severely infected. I just finished all my antibiotics and am looking forward to a full recovery. At least my wounds are healing a lot better this time than when I had my laproscopy in January!

Still lots of digestive issues, not able to eat much and what I do eat goes right through me, so needless to say I've lost another 10 lbs since the surgery, very much not on purpose. I've been drinking Glucerna when I cant keep anything else down.

Going on a trip home tomorrow to CT to see my grandparents then popping in on my dad on the way back so very much looking forward to that. Hoping it'll be a relaxing vacation!

Thank you all for your continued prayers...

Time for Surgury

Well, the test yesterday did not go well and I have to have emergency gallbladder surgury. Not only is the duct obstructed by a large stone, but the gallbladder has stopped functioning all together and it is so inflamed that the dr. can feel it from the outside. He said it needs to come out this week or it will get infected and then it can become fatal.

I go in on Thursday morning and I thank you all for your continued prayers. I will try to post an update as soon as I can.

If it tastes good....spit it out!

...That's the joking response I got from my new Doctor when I asked what diet I'm supposed to follow with all my health issues. HAHAHA He was really great and was funny which kept me at ease throughout my appointment. Dr. Reneker said that he's almost positive theres more going on than just my gall bladder...so, he called the general surgeon directly and he said he wants me to get a Hida Scan before deciding on surgury to see if the gall bladder is draining correctly. Bad news is, if it doesnt they have to inject you with something to make your gall bladder contract, like it does when I have these horribly painful spasms. :-( I'm just glad he doesnt want to rush into surgury if it's not absolutely nessessary yet! Then I'm to keep my appt. with Dr. Combs, the gastro, to see about getting the upper and lower scopes done to see what is going on with my stomach and intestines. Dr. Reneker, my family dr, decided to keep me on the stomach acid meds until I can see the gastro and he said just to keep my carbs and fat as low as I can in my diet without driving myself nuts and not eating period.

He also said, if I hurt any more before I see him again in a month, to call him immdiately and he'll make sure I'm comfortable and able to go on my trip to see my grandpa at the end of April.

Thank you all again for your support and hopefully I plan on leaving you guys some comments this week as well! *big online hugs!*

Another Quick Check In

I'm finally back at work as of yesterday, although my digestive system was hardly ready to come back. Every day I'm nauseous and am either *TMI ALERT* throwing up or having diarrea, and now yet another concern...my medication isn't digesting. I have my first appointment with someone other than an ER doctor today. I go to see my new family doctor at 3pm and *HOPEFULLY* he can get the ball rolling on what needs to be done, as I cannot get in to see the Gastro until 4/14.

Thanks SO much to all of you for your continued support! Although, my "strict" diet has come to a halt for the time being, I still feel like this is all part of my journey and God is putting me in this situation to teach me something in the long run.

Just to quickly touch on the "diet" thing. Lately, I've just been eating VERY little about 5-6 times a day. Such as: one whole wheat english muffin, 1 fruit, 1 sugar free jello, etc... and I try to drink as much as I can. Usually about 15 minutes after I eat my stomach starts rumbling and 30 minutes after I'm in the bathroom, sick and in pain. The reason for such a limited diet is as follows: no to Low sugar for my pre-diabetes, no to low fat and no greens for my gall bladder, no to low salt for previous personal and family history of high blood pressure, and low cholesterol for family history of high cholesterol.

So...I'll do some more checking in tomorrow and fill you all in on what the dr. has to say, if anything.

Checking In Quickly...

I have been very ill since Sunday and it turns out my gallbladder has gotten loads worse so the SB diet isn't for me either. Now I'm facing surgury and having to go to a nutritionist since I now need to be on a low carb, low fat, low salt, low cholesterol, no greens diet. What's left but water? I was down another pound as of Monday but I'm sure after this fantastic liquid diet to calm my stomach the pounds will be droppin like flies. I'm sick, I'm down, I'm tired and I'm looking forward to getting better!

I'll write more when I'm feeling better.

Day 15 - Phase 2 - Weigh In

Weight: 219

Well, I lost 3 pounds this week!! I'm super excited although a bit disappointed in myself as I went off diet 3 times. However, that being said I'm still impressed with my self control. My first cheat was a flour tortilla which is a big no no in phase 1, but I only allowed myself 1. My second cheat came when my party included brownies....SB diet says if you feel like you HAVE to have one, have 3 bites and pass it on, which is exactly what I did...yeay! Does anyone have the first idea how hard it is to have 3 bites of a dessert and walk away?? So my third cheat came i was in a rush and took my kids to taco bell and I left the majority of my $ at home so I had another tortilla. And that was it... not too bad at all considering the track record i have with food.

I've also recently become a consultant for The Pampered Chef, which you would think is the worst idea ever being on a diet, but its honestly helping me a lot! A lot of their products are SUPER for anyone on any kind of diet! (If you'd like me to get you a list of perfect diet items and a catalog, I'd be more than happy to give ya a "Heathy You" discount! :-) )

At any rate, I get to start phase 2 today, which means adding back some GOOD carbs to my diet! BOY am I excited! LOL I picked up some SB meal bars because thats one of the biggest things I've been struggling with is time for breakfast. It was so EASY for me this morning to just grab and go and KNOW that it's approved on my diet plan!

I'll be posting more about phase 2 another day and will continue to post my recipes for those of you who have expressed interest!

Day 11 - Phase 1

I'm feeling a lot better today, although I can't seem to get my appetite back in the mornings. I suppose its better to not be hungry than to overeat.

I decided I'm not going to attempt to write my meal plans here every day until I start my phase 2 on Monday. I've been very indecisive lately and change my meals so I'm tired of having to update it on here. Don't worry though...I still haven't cheated! *yeay*

I've been struggling to find time to exercise, with 3 kids under 7, a full time job and a husband on a very different work schedule than me. I run around after my kids so much I know I get some exercise there, but I often wonder how I add in structured exercise. I know I can't tonight. I have company coming for dinner tomorrow and so I'm going to be spending the evening getting my house ready. But I suppose I can put on some music while I'm cleaning and dance the night away! LOL

I'm very excited about getting to add some of my favorite foods back in my diet next week but I'm also very nervous. Right now I'm averaging a weight loss of 1+ lbs per day! I'm scared that I won't lose hardly any after I move foods back into my diet. I'm glad I at least am a member of South Beach online so that I can get some advice there.

My thoughts for the day:
I think it's so important no matter what diet you're doing to have a support team around you. My support team is as follows:
Mental Therapist: My husband, because no matter what my weight, he still tells me I look good! LOL
Personal Trainers: My kids...I'm convinced they're always testing me. How fast can mommy run? How much can she lift? How many muscles will she strengthen to scrub sharpie off the walls?
God: I often pray to ask for strength on my diet so that I can properly honor this body He gave me!
Honest Friends & Family: They keep me grounded. They will tell me when I'm dropping the ball.
Medical Advice: My doctor is AWESOME! It's so nice to have not only a supportive doctor, but one who will tell me the truth about my heath to kick my behind in gear! My boss is also a retired doctor and I often consult him for advice regarding my health and weight loss issues.
Online tools: Being a member of the site for my weight loss program is a HUGE helper and time saver. I have access to everything I need to know about my diet as well as message boards with others on the diet and access to a registered nutritionist to make sure I'm "dieting correctly".
Online support: I can not tell you what it means to me to have support of total strangers (hopefully not for long *wink*). My Healthy You Challenge family is amazing. They are all inspirational in one way or another and they really lift my spirits when they leave me comments.
Internal: My internal support team is my multi-vitamin. I've only been taking it 4 days but I'm already realizing how important it is to take a multi-vitamin while you are dieting. I'm feeling energized already!

*It 'takes a village' for so much more than just raising a family.*

Day 10 - Phase 1

I'm not feeling well at all today. Don't get me wrong, I feel great mentally and emotionally but physically, I feel like I need to trade in for a model that runs better LOL. I haven't been able to eat anything yet today. I'm sitting here sipping on a diet soda and water trying to get my stomach to settle down. I really need to try to get something down for lunch. The menu I'm posting today is my "plan" but I seriously doubt I'm going to eat it all.

Breakfast: egg w/ cheese
Snack: celery boats
Lunch: chefs salad
Snack: cucumbers
Dinner: chicken and veggies

Day 9 - Phase 1

It was a great day yesterday, between the weight loss and the great comments I got from people, I was feeling pretty good. I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure yesterday which was nice and even brought hubby along for his first pedicure! I do have to admit that I cheated on my diet. I'm not supposed to have any alcohol period and I had 1/2 glass of champagne (my nail salon spoils us now! LOL) SO, I was good when I got home and just didn't have my dessert. I'm sure it didn't totally make up for it, but I tried. I also changed my dinner so I'll go back and edit yesterday's menu.

I'm back on the ball again today though. My stomach was bothering me this morning so I didn't have breakfast, but other than that I'm doing ok.

Breakfast: nothing
Snack: 1oz low fat cheese
Lunch: Chicken Salad
Snack: nuts
Dinner: pork chops, beans and salad
Dessert: sugar free fudge pop

For those of you on any kind of low carb diet:
If you have fitTV I LOVE the guy that comes on there that is trying to lose weight and cooks low carb meals. I will try to get the info on it and post it next time.

Day 8 - Phase 1 - Weigh In Monday

Current Weight: 222 lbs.

I'VE LOST 8 POUNDS THIS WEEK, FOR A TOTAL OF 12 POUNDS!!!

I'm well on my way!

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: 1 egg with cheese
Snack: mozz stick
Lunch: Salmon Salad
Snack: nuts
Dinner: fish and veggies
Dessert: Sugar free fudge pop

I'm feeling really good today and positive! This is the first time EVER dieting that I've lost weight in the first week and not gained. I'm so excited! Just waiting on my jeans to fit better. Looking forward to checking in with a lot of my weight loss buddies today since I didn't this weekend. I've earned THREE badges this past week!!! YEAY! I feel like the girlscout my mom never let me be! HAHAHAHAHA







Goals this week:
1. Structured exercise at least 4 times.
2. Stay on food plan.
3. Get to at least one OA meeting.

Day 7 - Phase 1

This is just a menu post because I didn't have time to post yesterday, but I followed it to a tee! :-)

Breakfast: Soy Sausage and 2 tsp sugarfree syrup
Snack: 1oz cheese
Lunch: Salmon Salad
Snack: None - wasnt hungry
Dinner: Chicken/ranch salad
Snack: FF, SF Jello

Day 6 - Phase 1

So, last night it was time to up my insulin medication and boy have I felt it today. I keep trying to remember that this feeling didn't last long the last time. My stomach was acting up this morning and then on top of that I have just been exhausted all day up until about a 1/2 hour ago.

I've been doing really well today diet wise, despite the frequent cravings. I knew that my cravings and feelings of "binge" type hunger were goin to be there today because it's a weekend and I'm home all day. I need to try to keep busy on days like this.

Menu for the day:
Breakfast: Egg Beater Omlet w/ veggies
Snack: FF, SF Yogurt with 1 tbsp slivered almonds
Lunch: Tuna Salad
Snack: 1oz Lowfat cheese
Dinner: Sirloin with Veggies
Dessert: SF Jello

Have a great weekend!

Surf & Turf Kabobs

Ok, so not to brag or anything, but the kabobs I made tonight were outstanding! My only complaint is that I couldn't eat more! LOL So, I thought I'd share the recipe.

(Now, keep in mind, I normally cook like Rachel Ray. I've never been fond of measureing anything LOL so bear with me!) I started by soaking wooden skewers for about 4 hours. Then I preheated my oven to a low broil. I cut the following veggies into chunks big enough to not break when piercing with the skewer: 1 zucchini, 1 yellow squash, 1 yellow bell pepper, 1 green bell pepper. I then sprinkled on them: Salt, pepper, garlic salt, cilantro and lime juice. I say, use as much as you normally like, go easy on the garlic salt. I probably used 1/2 tsp of salt, 2 tbsp lime juice and a tsp of everything else.

While the veggies are "marinating", cut up 1 fillet of Tilapia (or your fav. white fish), 2 boneless pork loin chops and de-shell and de-vein approximately 15 large shrimp. Sprinkle all meats with everything you sprinkled the veggies with except the regular salt.

On each skewer I then put: one green pepper. one piece of pork, one zucchini, one piece of fish. one squash, one shrimp, then one yellow pepper.

I pour any of the excess marinade into a 13 x 9 baking dish and I then placed the skewers width-wise onto the dish (so the the ends of the skewers were hanging off and the meat laid above the marinade).

Bake them approx. 10 mins, or until pork is cooked through. I'm going to do these on on the grill next time I'm sure they'll be even better!

Enjoy!

Day 5 - Phase 1

Hello fellow bloggers! I'm still feeling pretty crappy physically, but mentally, I'm on top of my game this morning! Feeling really positive about my life! Interresting thing happened this morning, I went to get a fat free sugar free latte and told them no whipped cream because 1. I cant have that and 2. they drizzle caramel on it and cant have that either. So I get to the window and sure enough its sitting there with whipped cream and caramel drizzle on it ... it would've been SO easy to just take it because it sure did look yummy. However, I practiced my self control and said, I dont mean to be a pain but I'm diabetic and i asked for no sugar or whipped cream and the manager made me a fresh one and I heard him telling the worker she needs to pay attention LOL. I'm SO proud of myself today! I'm not feeling up to eating much today so I didnt eat much for breakfast but I'm really going to try to eat my whole lunch because I know I'll lose energy later if I dont. I continue to pray for strength everyday to continue on my journey successfully!

Today's Menu:
Breakfast: FF, SF Yogurt; FF, SF Latte
Snack: 10 cal sugar free jello
Lunch: 1 C Chili, salad
Snack: no snack
Dinner: surf & turf kabobs and salad
Dessert: Jello with coolwhip free

94 Pounds and 94 Reasons - Part 2

Continued:

51: To be able to truly enjoy food
52: To look good when I perform my friend's wedding next year
53: To no longer be "skinny on the inside"
54: To better the 'relationship' with my husband
55: To feel confident to try new things
56: So that my 6 year old's friends stop telling my son his mom is fat (yes that actually happens, big shame on those parents)
57: So that I can put my other mirrors back up in the house
58: Maybe I'll have the confidence I need to get back into performing music
59: To not be the biggest mom at my mom's meetups
60: So that I can play games more regularly with my kids
61: To keep up with housework better
62: To not feel like everyone is staring
63: To be able to get medical procedures without extra risk because I'm heavy
64: To daydream about things other than food (yes, I do that)
65: So that I finally feel comfy to go to Miami Beach!
66: To not be so tired all the time.
67: To no longer place blame for my weight.
68: To no longer feel guilty that I'm not living up to my potential due to weight.
69: To go to a dance class for fun and not weight issues.
70: To feel comfortable at a gym.
71: To not cringe at my shadow or reflection.
72: To get compliments! (yes, I'm aware that's vain! LOL)
73: To walk quieter
74: So I don't live in fear
75: Add years to my life
76: Lessen my digestive issues
77: Lessen need for medication
78: Appreciate myself fully
79: Not break those little plastic lawn chairs
80: Become more aware of my body
81: To be more understanding of my relationship with food
82: Have confidence to go back to college with the younger kids
83: People wont notice my "fat" first
84: To not feel tempted to weigh myself
85: So its more about how I feel than how much I weigh
86: So people will ask, how'd you do it! And maybe I can help/inspire them
87: To stop using humor to hide how I really feel about my weight
88: To make it easier to be honest with myself
89: To know if I did this, I can do anything
90: So I can add to my list of successes
91: Will help my hormone imbalance
92: Have more room, less clostophobic
93: To be totally submerged in my bath tub! My belly wont stick out! yeay!
94: So that I have 94+ reasons to be proud!

I realize that a lot of these may not apply to some and that some of these might make you say "well that doesnt matter anyway!" specifically regarding the things that others think and feel about me. The truth is, whether you're rock solid or not, ESPECIALLY if you struggle with your weight, little things like that do affect you in the long run. If you're saying to yourself, no they dont, then your not being honest with yourself. Thank you all for reading this :-)

Day 4 - Phase 1

Still doing well, although I think I'm coming down with a cold. I met most of my goals yesterday. I did 1/2 hr of Shimmy (its belly dancing exercise) and I got 1/2 my 94 reasons typed out. I have 44 left to type today and I also want to start thinking about some goals/rewards I want to set for myself. As usual, I'm going to try 30 mins structured exercise again tonight.

My menu for the day is as follows:
Breakfast: 1/2 cup egg beaters, tea
Snack: none planned, snack time now and I'm not hungry
Lunch: Chicken Breast Salad
Snack: Celery Boats
Dinner: Chicken stir fry (no rice) and a salad.
Dessert: SB Peanut butter cup

My mood is not great today so I'm really going to have to keep an eye on my usual snacking when moody behavior. Although I'm super proud of myself. I'm so used to getting my kids snacks and taking a bite...yesterday I gave my son a pack of gummys and just popped one in my mouth out of habit. I realized what I did immediately and spit it out LOL. I think my son was afraid to eat them after that thinking they were bad LOL. Poor thing!

Day 3 Follow Up

I think my stomach is changing already. I found myself to be struggling to eat all of my meals today. I changed up dinner as well. I didn't feel like pork chops so I ended up with the following:

Breakfast: Celery Boats (Celery with 2 tbsp nut butter), tea
Snack: Mozz Stick
Lunch: Salad and sirloin left from last night
Snack: Ham Roll up
Dinner: 1/2 serving Eggplant "Manicotti", 1/2 a hot dog
Dessert: Sugar Free Jello with Cool Whip Free

I'm going right now to call my OA sponsor and then try to do my 1/2 hr. exersize before American idol and my sugar free jello LOL.

PS: Sorry I'm blogging several times in a day now. I'm finding it theraputic.

94 Pounds and 94 Reasons - Part 1

94 Reasons to lose 94 Pounds:

1. Look better.
2. Feel "lighter".
3. Improve overall health.
4. Walk without losing breath.
5. Have more energy.
6. Prevent boarderine Type 2 Diabetes from getting worse.
7. Have the energy to play with my kids.
8. Decrease symptoms of my PCOD.
9. Be able to buy trendier clothes.
10. Increase self esteem.
11. Feel confident my husband is attracted to me (even though he says he is now, God bless him! *wink*)
12. Be a role model for others trying to lose weight.
13. Be a role model for my children to not let weight get the best of them.
14. Sit in a seat on the airplane without the arm rests cutting off circulation.
15. Be able to fully cross my legs.
16. To wear only a bathing suit to the beach, nothing over it.
17. To promote self-confidence.
18. To be comfortable in public.
19. To be able to sit in a chair comfortably.
20. To not feel guilty when I eat.
21. To be able to fit in the sports car I want!
22. To be healthier if we ever had any more children.
23. To decrease risk of heart attack and stroke that run in my family.
24. To decrease excess sweating. Look hot, not feel hot!
25. To look "hot" on our 10th anniversary trip my husband and I have planned.
26. To fit in my clothes better.
27. Eat to live, not live to eat.
28. Prove the people wrong that said I couldn't do it.
29. Be a knockout at my highschool reunion.
30. Prove to myself I don't need food to be happy.
31. Be able to run a mile... or more!
32. Be out of "plus size" clothes.
33. NO MORE CHAFFING! My thighs won't rub together anymore! LOL
34. No more of the "does she need to be eating?" look from people in restaurants.
35. Look more professional at work.
36. Fit better in a movie theatre chair.
37. Be able to get up off the floor without feeling like I need a crane!
38. Minimize the strain on my back injury.
39. Be able to play a sport.
40. Minimize the need for my inhaler.
41. Be able to "walk the mall".
42. Be able to fit into tight places.
43. Not be afraid to park because I won't have to open the door all the way.
44. Shave my legs or other hygene dilemas without struggling.
45. Look in a mirror and be satisfied.
46. Will not exceed the weight limit on my attic ladder.
47. Can ride ALL the rides at the amusement park!
48. Actually like the pictures of myself.
49. Can say I beat 2 eating disorders and I did it the healthy way!
50. Give a better first impression.

Day 3 - Phase 1

WOW am I tired this morning. Great news is, my meds I started have stopped bothering my stomach. We'll see what happens when I up to two on friday! On top of not sleeping well my boys were terrors last night so I spent almost the entire night upset and chasing around after them. Needless to say, I didn't meet my goal for yesterday which was to do 1/2 hr of structured exersise. I think that's going to be my goal on a daily basis, because I know there will be times in the life of someone with three kids, that it doesn't get done. Also, I was in a totally different mood yesterday when I got home so I changed my menu a little bit from yesterday. It ended up being:

Breakfast - 1 soy sausage link, 1/4 C egg beater veggie omlet, fat free/sugar free latte
Snack - (wasn't hungry come snack time)
Lunch - Roasted chicken salad w/ 2 tbsp diet dressing (with cheese)
Snack - (wasn't hungry come snack time)
Dinner - Sirloin with peppers and onions, salad, zucchini w/ parmesean cheese
Dessert - South Beach "Peanut Butter Cup"

Two things I want to share from yesterday that were AWESOME are the Salad I made and the "Peanut Butter Cup".

The salad I made was: 1 1/2 C baby spinich, 6 radishes thinly sliced, 1/2 can of rinsed and drained kidney beans, 1 tomato sliced, 1 cucumber sliced, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 tsp pepper, 1/4 tsp nutmeg. I honestly don't know where in my head this recipe came from but it was great! It was very tasty without putting dressing on it...of course, my kids are "sauce" fanatics so they had to have it, but even my 6 year old complimented me on how good it was!

I got the south beach "peanut butter cup" off that website and it was fantastic. I have to say, it didn't make much, but it was the right amount to give me that little sweet kick I'm used to having. You take 1 sugar free fudgesicle off the stick and put it in a bowl, I nuked it in the micrwave for 15 seconds. Stir in 1 tbsp creamy peanutbutter and 2 tablespoons Cool Whip Free. Mix well and enjoy! Actually I put mine in the freezer for 20 mins because I like everything cold and it was awesome. It's almost like a chocolate/peanutbutter moose.

Ok...My menu as planned for the day:

Breakfast: Celery Boats (Celery with 2 tbsp nut butter), tea
Snack: Mozz Stick
Lunch: Salad and sirloin left from last night
Snack: Ham Roll up
Dinner: Pork Loin Chop, Eggplant parmesean, Mixed Green Salad
Dessert: Sugar Free Jello with Cool Whip Free

As will be my usual: My first goal for the day is to do structured exersize for 30 mins. Also, I'm totally stealing this from another blog but I'm going to make a list of things / reasons why I need to lose weight. My list will be as long as how many pounds I need to lose, in my case, 94. Wish me luck!

Day 2 - Phase 1

So I'm feeling great today! Followed my diet to a tee yesterday so I'm very proud of myself. It was very difficult but thats what makes it wonderful. This is the most self control I've had with food in a long time!....ok ok, EVER!

Today's meal plan is a follows:

Breakfast - 1 soy sausage link, 1/4 C egg beater veggie omlet, fat free/sugar free latte
Snack - 1 mozz stick
Lunch - Roasted chicken salad w/ 2 tbsp diet dressing
Snack - 1/4 C peanuts
Dinner - Sirloin, mixed veggies, 1/2 cup beans
Dessert - Vanilla Creme (basically like sugar free cannoli filling...YUM!)

Goal for the day: Do at least 1/2 hr exercise tonight.

Monday 2/25/08

Monday weigh in: 230

I've done well so far today and I'm very proud of myself for my eating behavior last night. I was so nervous about removing all the breads and sugars from my diet I thought I would have a HUGE spaghetti dinner and a big bowl of ice cream for dessert. But, I went to my first OA meeting and after that went grocery shopping and I thought to myself, "Self, it would not be a good idea to over indulge tonight, you'll just have more problems tomorrow cutting back!" So I held it together well and fixed myself something from my diet menu! I'm super proud of myself!

Today I'm having the following:
Breakfast: Egg Beaters and Veggie Juice (Yea, I gagged my way through that so gotta get my veggies another way)
Snack: Mozz Cheese Stick
Lunch: Ham roll ups and salad
Snack: 1/4 cup peanuts
Dinner: Chicken Breast, salad, beans
Dessert: Sugar Free Jello Parfait

Today's Summary:
Mood - Optimistic
Hunger - Well controlled
What I like - The diet is filling
What I dont like - Lack of choices the first phase of the diet
Goal for the day - Continue using water and waiting to control hunger urges

Outlook

Today I made 2 models of myself you can see on the left hand side of the screen. One is my starting weight and the other is my goal weight at 140lbs. When I start my structured diet on Monday I will be adding a 3rd model in between that will show my current weight which I will update every monday for my weigh-in. I've decided to change things around a bit after yesterday's new information. Weigh-in's will be every monday. Measure-in's will be every 4th monday. Each day I can, I will post what I eat, how I feel and any exercize I've done for the day.

This morning I went on the South Beach website and got signed up online and have been working on my profile today so that I can get my menu and grocery list planned this weekend. My new medication is really tearing up my stomach like he said it might, so I'm really trying not to push myself today.

This diet starts of with 2 weeks of intense and strict dieting in which you cut out the majority of the foods that make you crave bad foods. No breads, rice, sweets, fruit etc. The majority of the diet the first two weeks is meats, veggies and dairy. I thought it was going to be impossible but the menu doesnt actually look that bad!

I'm feeling very tired today, kind of run down. I think I've been killing myself emotionally. I think im going to try to get some things done around here...

Finally....

Today was an ok for day with eating. I didn't really watch the specifics of what I was eating but I definately didnt OVEReat by any means.

I'm glad the day is almost over to be honest. I'm very tired today.

I had my visit with the hormone specialist that my GYN that just did my surgury referred me to today. He was FANTASTIC! I have truly been blessed with the last 2 drs I have seen. They have both been great and after all this time, dr after dr of telling me its all in my head, I finally got 2 drs that have said, "WAIT A MIN! Something isn't right here! Let's run some tests!"

So I saw the endocrinologist today about my hormone issues and I finally got a diagnosis. I have polycystic overian disease and am boarderling hypoglycemic. Both of those things tend to feed into eachother so they are treating both. I was started on a new birthcontrol to help me with the symptoms of PCOD and also started on Metformin tonight to control my insulin levels. On top of that, I have to start the South Beach diet immediately. Once I can control my sugar and weight better I should start to see the syptoms of pcod lessen. and BOY OH BOY I can't wait for that day to come!

So now, because diabetes runs rampent in my family, I dont have a choice but to diet and lose weight right now. However, it was SO nice to hear that these last couple of years it hasn't been just me, that it's not all in my head.

A New Day Has Dawned

Boy am I tired this morning. I didn't sleep well at all last night.

Feeling bright today though. :-) I have a dr. appointment at 1:30pm to the GYN specialist as a follow up to my surgury I just had. Have had a lot of "female" type issues over the years so I'm trying to get things taken care of (feel free to see my other blog www.notmyonlyexistence.blogspot.com for more information on that).

I'm not feeling hungry right now, but should I feel hungry before I go to the store I'm going to have 2 egg whites, using I can't believe it's not butter spray. I may stop for a coffee as well...skim milk of course!...well, hopefully. This is the compulsion issue I have with food. I have great intentions, but can never seem to follow through. It's weird because it's almost like a "blackout" type of feeling after I have any type of binge. The other day I had a huge lunch and then when I got home I took the boys to get ice cream. Next thing I know I'm pulling out of tacobell with a 7 layer burrito.

Because of incidents like that, I've decided I'm going to start attending OA, Overeaters Anonymous. My mom is an alcoholic and attended AA for quite some time. It's scarey because I see a lot of my food behaviors are the same as a lot of her alcohol behaviors. For example, there's the hiding part of it. This is really hard for me to talk about. When I have company, I do a really good job at pretending I eat really well and I just can't understand why I have a weight issue. I'll actually go out and buy really healthy things to put into my fridge and pantry when I'm expecting company. If, god forbid, company takes me out to a meal at a restaurant I force myself to just pick at it, or not finish a huge plate when I really want to.

The weight of it all...

After taking my photo and measurements tonight, I'm feeling very depressed so I'd rather just post the info now and get this first weigh in over with.

Date: 2/20/08
Days on diet: 0
Mood: depressed
Height: 5'2.5"

Current measurements:
Weight - 234 lbs
Waist - 53.5"
Bust - 51.5"
Hips - 55.5"
Biceps - 14.5" x2
Thighs - 29" x2
Calves - 17.5" x2

There it is, out in the open. I think I might be sick. Tomorrow morning after I have some fruit for breakfast I'm going to go to the store and buy some heathy foods for the house. I'm also going to compress the picture I took and update this post with it. I decided I'm going to do weigh-ins every Friday and Measurements every 1st day of the month. Also, the last day of each month I'm going to reflect on things a bit as well as to post my goals for the next month.

Thats it for now.

And so it begins...

As my relationship with my husband improves, oddly enough, my self esteem worsens. I thought when my marriage got better I would feel better about my relationship. The truth is, the more my husband changes for the better and does things for me...and the more my kids grow up and want a parent who's able to play with them without hurting...the more I realize that this "eating" thing I have going on is affecting more than just me.

I'm disgusted with how I look and feel. My heath is getting worse and as shallow as it sounds, so are my looks.

I know this much:
1. I am a good person. I have a caring heart and soul. This caring heart and soul deserves a beautiful and healthy body to reside in.
2. My husband deserves a wife who cares about her body. My husband has vowed to love me no matter my size, but he doesnt deserve to add my weight issues to his plate.
3. My kids deserve a mother who cares about her body. All they want to do is play and I can no longer even walk without getting out of breath.
4. I'm scared. My health and pain level in my back has been overwhelming lately. I'm honestly scared for my life. People at my age should not feel like this.

I'm on the right path. I've been told that I'm ready now based on these things I'm feeling. I KNOW I overeat and now I just need to fix it. I'm praying for strength.

This is the begninning of my journey. I hope you will join me for the ride!

*Tonight I'm going to take my first photo, weight and measurements. Tomorrow's goal is to suck it up, and post the information.*